Column: Huge Balls

     by Rob Stiller

THE BULLS ARE ON THE CLOCK!!!&@^*&%!

Have crueler words ever been spoken?

Lo, just weeks ago, I lived in a world where I thought it was only ESPN’s coverage of the NFL Draft that would induce a level of nausea that could only be rivaled by Rosie O’Donnell mating with a bean burrito. But when these six frightful words callously traversed my aural canal, I was faced with the grim reality that the social cancer that is the mock draft had infiltrated my beloved basketball.

Previously, I had come to terms my annual ritual of boycotting Sportscenter during the months leading up to the NFL Draft, that time of year when Mel Kiper puts anything and everything On the Clock!, from the Redskins to the Dolphins, and often even more surprising entities, such as his childhood pediatrician and Black Tuesday. As Dostoyevsky once wrote, man is a creature than can grow accustomed to anything, and I had grown accustomed to the exercise in futility that is the NFL Mock Draft.

Continue reading Column :: Huge Balls: “Mocking Mock Drafts”

Column: Huge Balls

     by Rob Stiller

Generally speaking, I would feel confident in saying that I am one of the most ardent followers of the NBA that you will come across. But I would never, EVER try to match NBA wits with anyone who was around to witness first hand the Celtics of the 60’s, the Lakers of the 80’s, or even the Bulls of the early 90’s because, regardless of how many books I read or how much ESPN Classic I watch, I’ve come to accept the fact that I’ll never be able to experience the game the way people did during basketball’s glory days. It’s like that scene in Good Will Hunting where Robin Williams says to Matt Damon “I’m sure you can tell me all about Michelangelo…, but you can’t tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel.” Indeed I could go back and memorize every box score from the ’86 Finals, but I could never understand exactly what Larry Bird meant to the city of Boston.

Ever since it started to seem likely that we were in fact headed toward a Boston-L.A. match up in the Finals, I’ve been lamenting more and more that fact that I missed out on the original Lakers-Celtics. But somewhere along the line I realized that anyone under the age of 30 or so is in the same boat, which got me thinking, what’s in it for us?

It depends what you’re looking for.

If we’re talking about a young generation trying to claim its slice of the NBA’s historical pie, the conversation starts and ends with Kobe*. Given his current situation, very little is standing in the way of him becoming one of the top ten players of all time. Given the shear volume of his career due to entering the league at only 18, his stats alone will be staggering. But as the Lakers stand, with a few crafty roster moves, Kobe should be competing for championships until at least 2011. Just for fun, let’s say he wins any 2 titles over that span and joins the Five Ring Club. Throw out all of the Bill Russell and MJ tag-alongs, and all of a sudden it becomes increasingly difficult to argue against him as one of the greatest players of all time. Love him or hate him, Bryant has the chance to begin a push to be remembered as one of the top ten players of all time over the next two weeks, which, with that first MVP trophy already in hand, could for all intents and purposes make my generation the Kobe Bryant generation.

But if we’re talking about a young generation building on the legacy of those who have come and gone, it would be a mistake to consider this just another NBA Finals. For that reason, what I’m most looking forward to getting out of two weeks of Magic-Bird montages is simply a bit of historical illumination, just to catch a glimpse of the glory days I’ve only ever been able to read about. Instead of regretting never having seen Bird and Magic go toe to toe or missing out on the McHale-Rambis Clothesline, one should rather seize the opportunity to own a piece of a rivalry that supersedes any player or generation. Liken it to Yankees-Red Sox of 2004, if you will. It didn’t matter if you were there in 1918 when the Sox won it all, or in 1986 when they lost it all; it was special because it was still just Yankees-Sox. That idea that a rivalry can transcend players, coaches and even bridge generations is what makes this Finals so significant, even for those of us that weren’t around for the previous installments. And tonight for the first time in 20 years, it won’t be Kobe-Garnett or Kobe-Pierce, it will just be Lakers-Celtics.

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*One brief sidenote: if the Celtics do win this series and Garnett and Pierce end up with similar performances, would this not be one of the most historically significant Finals MVP decisions ever? Think about it. With a championship, KG will be cemented as one of the all time greats, but with a Finals MVP trophy, he immediately jumps into the top 20-25. Pierce has even more to gain. For him, the Finals MVP trophy could be the difference between being remembered as a good scorer or as a great player. Fortunately or unfortunately, neither player could care less about such a thing. If only it were Shaq and Kobe in a similar situation.

Column: The Clumsy Challenge

     by Matt Anderson

Midfielder Michael Bradley (front) dispossesses England Midfielder Frank Lampard (whining).
The U.S. look to improve on a lackluster showing against England as they take on Spain today.

One week after a rather complacent United States side fell to England 2-0, they are preparing to face Spain in the second of three friendly matches taking place in Europe and the US. This is part of an effort of the United States Soccer Federation to expose their senior national side to the some of the world’s best. If you watched last Wednesday’s match against England like I did, you’re probably just as concerned.

Realistically, the United States stood a legitimate chance to win last week’s game, and even the most ardent of England supporters were expecting a hard fought game. Bluntly, it wasn’t. Instead of adopting an aggressive high speed, guns blazing, extra hot sauce tactic towards the English, the U.S. sat on their laurels and reacted (poorly) to wave after wave of England’s own dangerous attacks. Had Jermain Defoe or Wayne Rooney been able to finish their abundant chances to score, it could have been a thorough and extensive beat-down. Even with the 2-0 score, the United States appeared to rely on mistakes made by the English to stay in the game, which is a policy that will cost them dearly against Spain.

Continue reading Column :: The Clumsy Challenge: “US vs. Spain Soccer Preview”

Column: Huge Balls

     by Rob Stiller

Nathaniel S. Butler/NBAE/Getty Images

Of the two conference semi-finals series that went seven games, neither had inspired a lot of hope for a well-played, closely contested series finale. After all, each game in the Spurs-Hornets series had been decided by double digits, and watching the first six games of Celtics-Cavs had simply been nausea-inducing on more than one occasion. But to the delight of myself and countless other fans, both games met, and, in the case of LeBron v. Paul Pierce, exceeded any realistic expectations for a Game 7.

Rave
LeBron v. Pierce

The NBA could have hoped for nothing better than the epic battle staged between LeBron James and Paul Pierce Sunday afternoon. It was a win-win situation for the league, at least for the guy responsible for the Eastern Conference Finals ad campaign. You either have LeBron versus the Pistons, in which case you show clip after clip of LeBron’s 48 Special from last year’s game five, or you have Celtics-Pistons, in which you incite memories of the glory days of the late eighties and Joe Dumars and Larry Bird. But even for the rest of us, the game was still a treat to watch, and will probably be remembered as the best mano-a-mano game of the season. Continue reading Column :: Huge Balls: “Game 7(s) Rants and Raves”

Column: Huge Balls

     by Rob Stiller

In the weeks leading up to the NBA playoffs this season, I shared a sentiment with Charles Barkley in that, as he stated during one of TNT’s Inside the NBA programs, “This is gon’ be the best playoffs ev’r.” Perhaps my expectations were too high, but so far I haven’t gotten what I had hoped for. I never thought the Suns-Spurs series would be over in five games. I never thought the best first round series would be Boston-Atlanta. And I certainly never anticipated being so distracted and disgusted at that standard of officiating that has cropped up this playoff season, part of which has been just bad officiating and part of which is due to how the league has chosen to handle certain situations, particularly the flagrant foul.

Continue reading Column:: Huge Balls: “Officiating in the NBA Playoffs”

Column: How To Successfully Avoid The Imaginary Limelight

     by Graham Weber

Never Trust A Man In This Much Denim - Photo: Jessica Adie

We coaxed local musician Graham Weber off the coattails of his latest album The Door To The Morning to come over and write a column for us here at the Dic. Ever the pushover, Graham agreed, and we’re pleased to bring you the idle thoughts of one of America’s greatest singer-songwriters. You can catch Vol. 1 of How To Successfully Avoid The Imaginary Limelight on his myspace, or Vol. 2 right here. Vol. 3 is waiting for you below.

It’s late again, and I haven’t had a chance to eat all day. So needless to say as the day wore on my mind has been preoccupied with my appetite. There is not much to eat in my house tonight. The cupboard is nearly bare, with the exception of dried pasta, and 4 cans of Skyline Chili. It’s one the few red meat products I will eat from a can. The other is Armor Corned Beef Hash. Unfortunately, I ate my reserve can of that last week. I take a bite, and I’m taken back to a more innocent time in my life, when I didn’t care what I was eating. I don’t know what’s in those cans but I prefer not to think about it… I’m a red-blooded American and I don’t ask questions.

Continue reading Feature: How To Successfully Avoid The Imaginary Limelight Vol. 3