I once heard that Brendan Fraser chooses roles not based on what they would do for his career, but whether or not they’d be “fun.” Considering his filmography (The Mummy, The Mummy Returns, Looney Tunes: Back In Action), what he considers fun involves running from/talking to things that will be added in digitally in post-production. In Journey To The Center of the Earth 3-D, he’ll be stretching his acting chops just a bit by running from CGI creatures and then out of the screen towards us…‘cause the movie’s in 3-D. I don’t know if you knew this, but you can view it in three dimensions.

Directed by Eric Brevig, whose filmography includes being a visual effects supervisor on several two-dimensional (and therefore lesser) films, Journey to the Center of the Earth 3-D looks like the kind of movie you wouldn’t go see at the dollar movie theater, but since it’s in 3-D, you’re expected to pay over ten for it. According to the trailer, it is the “first live action digital 3-D movie,” which I assume is supposed to put asses in seats despite its flagrant lack of punctuation. I guess when your movie’s in 3-D, nothing else matters! This is what a meeting at New Line Cinema probably looked like:

Suit #1: Okay, JttCotE 3-D* is set to shoot starting on Monday.
Suit #2: You’re starting shooting? I thought you didn’t even have a script!
Suit #1: Excuse me, but I think you’re forgetting the fact that the movie is in 3-D. Next time you decide to criticize a movie, how about you check first to see the number of dimensions it’s in.

Here are some things I noticed:

1. The trailer wasn’t in 3-D when I watched it on my computer. What the hell?

2. The joke where the characters fall to the center of the Earth 3-D for such a long period of time that Brendan Fraser exclaims,
“We’re still falling!” was done to much superior effect in Spy Kids 2. Spy Kids 2 was a good movie. Spy Kids 3-D was not. This movie looks bad. That movie was bad. Coincidence?

3. “Shut your trap!” said by B. Fraser when he punches a Venus Flytrap makes the whole trailer worth watching.

4. That stupid kid saying, “Haven’t you ever seen a dinosaur?” while calmly running from a T. Rex frustrates me to no end. If I was Brendan Fraser, I’d either say, “Okay, since you seem to be the dinosaur expert, why don’t you go and tell him to stop chasing us?” or ground him for a month for being a smart ass. After I got to the center of the Earth 3-D, of course.

5. How exactly does Brendan Fraser know that they’ve reached the center of the Earth 3-D? I’m curious, but not, like, “I gotta see this” curious.

Journey to Middle Earth 4-D is out on July 11th, 2008. The trailer is available here.

*They abbreviate everything in Hollywood!